Waiting No More

I have been thinking a lot about what I want out of life spiritually, physically, and mentally. I have been devoting a lot of inner talk to those three ubiquitous attributes that I so desire to feel complete and solid. Over the years that inner voice has been negative, damming, and chaotic. But I feel that a new voice is taking over. After years of being lost, I have once again come full circle. Once again found my path.

Druidism is something that called to me when I first realized I didn’t have to be Christian. I was raised by a very strict Roman Catholic and thought that was my lot in life. Then I studied, and I learned and I grew. I realized quite by chance that whilst studying Pagan societies that I could be Pagan. ME. It was a shock to the system – but one filled with excitement at this new prospect, this new path so suddenly cleared of spiritual debris.

I spoke with friends and one broached the subject of Wicca with me, and I began studying all things Wicca. I absorbed the information I read both in books and online. I read about alternative options – there wasn’t just one form, there were many Pagan and Heathen paths! I was astounded. I created a website in hopes of helping myself clear the clutter, and with the hope that it would help others as well.

Then it all came crashing down in conjunction with personal struggles…and for more then five years this is how I felt…

 What am I waiting for

The dawn has come
lush with new life
and
I am standing still.

Holding back
from what
I know can be
from what
I should be…

What am I waiting for?

I feel the energy
flowing through my veins
I know what
it tells me,
what
I should be.

What am I waiting for?

It pulses through me,
like a concert
of life telling me
what
I should be.

I hold on,
hold on to the everyday
while
I should be
on that plane
where my dreams will
be reality

What am I waiting for?

I’m not waiting anymore. I finally broke down my brick wall, bit by bit, piece by piece. I wrote about renewal in my last post, and I feel it even more fervently now then I did at that time. I patiently (not really) await my first Gwersi (weekly lessons) from the Order of Bards, Ovates, and Druids to arrive so that I may embark on a path that initially sparked a flickering flame. But I’m not waiting for it, in the meantime I have begun to read other books on Druidry, planning my spring time gardens, looking into growing fresh herbs again, and have been in the process of revamping my website.

There is an excitement and anticipation in all of this. One I am abundantly ready and willing to share.

I’m breathing it all in deeply. Once again I feel the presence of world energy all around me. It’s exciting, inspiring, and energizing. Over the coming months I hope to share this resurgence with you and explore what is to come. I feel a flame burning within that was but a mere spark before. Are you feeling inspired? If so, what are you waiting for?

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Reverse Tattoo

Crowwitch is a spectacular balance of chaos and order. This energetic hockey, soccer, ringette, karate, mom works hard to keep up with her two brilliantly funny children, and enjoy some quiet time with her devoted partner in the evenings. She also maintains a personal website called Crowwitch.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Waiting No More

  1. Oh man, the idea that you don’t HAVE to be Christian….I’ve been there. It’s liberating, isn’t it? To go from “this is the way you worship” to “worship who you want to, how you want to!” I was raised conservative Christian – most of my family still is. But I married a pagan hippie and he made me look hard at what I believed and why I believed it. Discovering the goddess was my wake up call. From patriarchal Christianity to finding there was a divinity I could actually IDENTIFY WITH was my shocking, awakening moment.

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